hmmm havent posted in about a week, so i decided i would do so now :P
lemme think, a lot happened to me since i last wrote on here,
had my birthday yesterday! school was funn
i love my friends and couldnt thank them enough(:
stayed after school, like usual and just hung out, which was pretty cool
then after that, i went shopping with my mom
and there was this pedophile there -____-;
ughh grosss :/
like, the store was pretty crowded...so the first time he brushed up against me i just thought, "oh, he just needed to get by"
then he KEPT doing it -___-; and he actually touched me...UGHH like, yeah
so then i thought to myself if he touches me ONE more time
ima do something to him >:O
but then he left, so lucky him :D
anywayy that was gross, and im definitely carrying around pepperspray
from now on(:
haha and theres this whole situation about...and some of u know what im
talking about :P
im just not gonna care or worry about anything, especially what other people think or do.
im just gonna continue what ive been doing
the time will come, maybe sooner or later
so i have no worries right now :]
hmm life's been getting better
kinda, sorta, maybe-ish?
but yeah, im overall happy right now
:D
okay my day yesterday wasnt all that exciting x]
uhhh im just glad i got to talk to some people
they were very...informative haha :P
well they kept making FACES the whole time
lol but i do it to them too so yeahh :D
well i found out some interesting news the night before ;D
so that pretty much filled my thoughts the whole day.
hahaha well yeahh i just wonder what will happen,
cuz this is the first time ive been in this situation
i dont know whether to be happy or worried?
haha im overanalyzing things that shouldnt
be complicated at all x]
well im trying not to tell like EVERYONE i know
because i dont want to end up like a certain someone :/
not cool at all...
well, idk whose gonna come clean first...and what will happen then
but im an open door, and i prefer other people to make the first move...
idk, before my whole life seemed so repetitive and just boring.
and all of a sudden, so many things are happening at the same time?
huh, idk what i would prefer, nothing happening in my life, or SO MANY things happening
at the same time...well i guess we cant get everything we wish for
well i guess i dont want to go back to that boring stage because
seriously, NOTHING exciting happened to me at ALL..and i dreaded that
so i guess my way of thinking right now
is that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence...
haha i guess im really happy with whats going on(:
its just the fear of losing everything keeps getting in the way
T.T
life is such a mystery.
one day itll present you with all its blessings
and the next second take it all away.
i guess that just teaches us to never get too attached to anything
in order to avoid the pain that follows losing it.
people say theyre here for me...that they understand.
but they really dont, and i know that.
im just wishing for something, anything in my life that
i can actually believe in...confide in...without living in fear that itll all fall apart.
i try to be there for people.
be the person thats always there, whenever they just need someone to listen
hoping that one day they would do the same for me.
but right now all i do is listen, and whenever i look for someone to talk to,
they are too absorbed in theyre own lives and troubles.
well, i cant blame them, but still.
its not like they care about someone like me :/
the "innocent" one....
hahah if only they knew.
woww
if only.
but its better this way.
btw, if you think you know what im talking about, you DONT. i promise you that.
cuz i havent told anyone about it..and im not going to anytime soon... because i can
pretty much guarantee that no one will understand -___-
by the wayy... these blogs seem "emo" [as some people might call it] :/ cause theyre just a way for me to vent...dont go thinking im clinically depressed or something like that xP lol
im a pretty happy person, and these obstacles just help me to become a stronger person and
prepare me for the future(:
life is life. its a b*tch sometimes....er most of the time...
but there are always these special moments in life that seem soo unimportant...but
make all the difference....
thats what i live for.
hmm. so overall i think yesterday was pretty fun(:
pe was the usual...nothing really happened.
Spanish. the quiz wasnt too bad...in fact in was really easy.
the class was kinda boring yesterday though.
Chem..was just Ughhh.
World history was actually kinda fun :P we played a game
which we totally lost ><; a pretty good class to end the school day with :]
okay, after school, it was kinda a mess xP
like, "where is everyone?" "are they going or not?", and whatever.
then we walked to pho. there were some awkward moments but it was okay(:
uhh then someone had to leave early, and we walked back.
it ended up with like, six of us chilling at the library. then a bunch of people left.
haha tim, daniel, and alex, if u read this, i dont have acne right now :P
lol my skin actually feels softer :]
and dan i WILL sing..soon ><;
haha and its NOT good to gang up on a GIRL especially when the police station is practically right behind us xPP
k well, that was fun, then i had to go. thenn i had to go to the mall for like, ten minutes
[the shortest time ive spent at the mall EVER (x]
then i get home.
ugh i dont even want to talk about it...its so messed up, like, dont even think or pretend you understand me...that kind of messed up :/
anyway, the ppl i was talking to on aim...im SOOO sorry i couldnt reply last night :[
something came up and..yeahh :/
welll im still confusedd, tired, and...angry.
ive recently realized just how many fakers i know.
and im glad i found out sooner than later so i now know to be more careful.
dang before i trusted people completely. im not making that same mistake again.
i am aching to tell someone
but am so afraid that they'll hurt me
when i finally come close
its as if they dont want to listen...theyre too caught up
in their own lives and i dont want to interfere.
well, i guess its better this way
il endure everything and look on hoping that theres light at the end of this tunnel
but right now its pitch black.
the future's a blur right now.
anything can happen,
a life can turn around completely in half a second
i dont know what to do anymore.
people say theyre here for me
but when i need them most
i cant find anyone.
but its okay.
they all just pity me, and i hate it
i dont need that.
i just need someone to listen...
and understand.
nothing really good has happened to me for the longest time :/
idk what will happen if i dont find what im longing for soon.
but how can i find it
if i dont even know what it is?
i thought things were going to be better.
then this happened.
ugh, how can people be so stupid?!
now ive really lost faith in people...
well, theres nothing i can do
but just act like nothing happened...
put a smile on my face, for others sake.
and hope for the best.
Almost all the blogs i read
are like, about depressing and unfortunate things
that happen in a persons life....im not saying anything offensive
cuz mine are like that too xP
But recently ive realized that life's not that bad.
we are all caught up in our moments of anger and frustration
that we see everything in black or white.
Now that i think back on everything i have been through
yes some of it haunts me, but there is always someone in the world
that has it much much worse.
I have a place to sleep
food to eat
people who care[even if at times it doesnt seem like so ><;]
and, most importantly, i have God.
I mean, shit happens to everyone right?
the only difference between someone weak and someone strong
is the way they handle whatever life throws at them,
no matter how insignificant or life-changing it might be.
I am so caught up in this neverending maze called life,
in which it is impossible to find a way out of other than death,
that i rarely stop to think about all the blessings that are already
mine.
soo....
so what if i never get what i really want?
so what if ive had a complicated past?
so what if people dont care what i think?
so what if i keep screaming, and no one can hear me?
SO WHAT?
i still have air in my lungs, a smile on my face, and love in my heart...
Today was sooooo not a good day :/
UGHHH. Casanova's history project is totally not going well for me and my group members.
theres like so much tension goin on between them...and im pretty much stuck in the middle T.T
Woke up like at 9 am today. did some homework...and chatted online, which was pretty fun(:
then i went to church at 5:30. It was all soul's day today.
After that, we ate at my grandma's house. My mom was pretty much like, getting on my case about, well, everything. thats when it started.
Got home. i opened the door with the keys. Went upstairs to go put my stuff down.
Mom calls and scolds me for not turning on the lights downstairs. i was "selfish" -___-.
Then she started talking about everything i have ever done wrong to her and the family.
How im getting worse...evil...blahblahblahh all old news. Well, long story short, im grounded.
no phone, no laptop/internet[bahahah im sneaking on right now] unless for hw purposes, no staying after school, until i "fix myself".
I have a feeling this grounding will last quite a long time. well, time will tell. ughh i am in desperate need of a hug right now :/
soooo if you want to contact me or anything, call my house #. Ask me for it cause this blog is public and some creepy stalker could get access to my phone number if i post it on here and we dont want that ><;
:D
Its unbelievable how much there is to a human being.
People assume and judge based on physical appearances and specific actions.
Its wrong, but its natural, and sometimes i cant help myself but to give in and do so.
Right now, especially, i witness and experience possible misunderstandings and it is very amusing.
No one knows everything about anyone, not even oneself.
We do things that we have no idea why we did so.
So how is it that people act and think like they know someone
but they know NOTHING?
There is one reason people hide from the world: fear
fear that no one will understand
fear that they will be hurt
fear that their actions will be disastrous.
so now im trying to judge less.
because people do what they do for specific reasons.
not everyone is evil. most are just misunderstood.
oh and for future reference, you dont know me, you know OF me ;D
For a while now ive been reading other people's blogs and have been wanting to start one myself but i guess never got to...until now(: Personally, i dont know how they do it. The way others take the time to express themselves in specific words is amazing. My blogs are just going to be what i feel explicitly, and theyre not going to be carefully written. My words here are what my heart and mind puke out, no formalities or grammar stuff xP
anyway, people said its a good way to let your thoughts and feelings out...even if no one reads them. And plus, my writing here is actually more for myself than for others :P
Right now, im so confused :/ And ive been very moody so much of the time.
idk maybe its just pms. Ive always thought i understood people on a certain level, but now its like i dont know anyone at all. Suddenly theyre doing or saying things i thought theyd never do.
well, i guess this is just telling me that i should be more careful with who i trust ><;
Hmm. i havent really been involved in this much drama before. Is there something about sophomore year? it just started and things are already so complicated for me and other people inside and outside of school. Im still in the process of getting used to everything, and i think im doing a pretty decent job.
This year so far at oxford has been pretty interesting. Ive gotten to know more people and learn more about others i thought i already knew. Theres always been a wall between me and other people in general. Its difficult for me to open up completely to someone in fear that they will betray me, and i know this because of past experiences. But now, there are a few people that i feel like im on another level with......i just hope they dont do anything to break that connection and leave me heartbroken :/
With a certain situation, i think ive messed it up :/ idk, maybe im overanalyzing things, but i guess im just paranoid that i would lose everything. GAHH what id give to know what people are thinking...it would avoid so much trouble and misunderstandings. Well, all i can do is hope for the best.
Ive been having fun recently, much more than before. I feel a bit less restricted, and overall happier(: but i guess all good things come at a price :P
im gonna try to post more whenever i have the time or when i feel like it haha :PPP
