I realized Tumblr's more for "reblogging" when you see something you like, and this blog is all for me to create. I've missed that. My original thoughts blurted onto this page.
The person that last posted on this website and the person typing now is irrevocably different. This year, by far, has sucked the most immaturity out of me. I've experienced situations with gravity so forceful, no one would walk away the same. My view on the world has changed. The sun shines bright and the sky is clear, but I am stuck wondering at its beauty through blinds and glass from inside my prison. No, this is not merely a physical prison, but mental and emotional as well. Every flame of hope sparked each day, extinguished before the next. No, I will not run out of hope, because the night is darkest before dawn. I sure hope the sun in my life is on it's way, because I don't know how long I can endure this.
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You lessened my faith in humanity. It is UNBELIEVABLE what you did. Oh the manipulation sickens me to no end. No one has ever lied to me like that. The ironic part is, even if you told me the truth, I would have accepted and understood fully, but no, you chose to hurt others and put me in ignorance regarding every situation. You are not a victim. You are a monster. I could almost hate you for what you made me go through, but I cannot hate anyone, no matter how many lies you have told. Such a hypocrite. How can someone claim to live a God-filled life when they hurt others and themselves on purpose constantly? I will never believe a word that comes out of your mouth, believe that.
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I know I have lived a mere 16 years, but do not assume that I am stupid and naive about life. I AM responsible, believe it or not, and it hurts that I am not even trusted to hold a key to the house. Your mindset is "What in the world could a teenager go through that's SO bad? They don't have that many problems." and I cannot change that. But I hate it when people assume about me and my life, because no one really knows except what I tell them. YOU don't know anything because everytime I do tell you about my situations, you always somehow turn it against me in the future. I will not make that same mistake again. Please I beg of you, don't laugh anymore while I break down in front of you, appealing for your trust. You think you understand me, in fact you're so certain you are, but how come you cannot see that what you are doing is slowly sucking the life and hope out of me? Believe it or not this isn't the best way to raise a child.
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."
don't know what to do.
YouthForChrist retreat...indescribable.
life-changing.
unexpected.
amazing.
i don't even know where to start. i came into that camp knowing only one person,
and by the end of two days, i had experienced so many laughs, highs, lows, tears, and made friendships that i am certain will last a very long time. i found out i can relate with these people more than i ever thought possible. they are absolutely hilarious, fun, talented, smart, and just plain good-hearted. the enviornment was warm and welcoming. i felt like i belonged. all of us were one, especially while singing. We all cried together, laughed together, sang together, worshipped God together.
I have never gotten so close to people in a span of two days, it's unbelievable.
God brings people together in incredible ways.
there is more to life than school and boys. MUCH more. i just wish more people realized that.
single most amazing experience in my life.
i learned so much. to not be ashamed. to love. to know i am never alone. to know i am forgiven. i received the holy spirit, and the feeling was amazing. my body was shaking, as my body was cleansed. i am a new person, with a clean slate. and i have a new family now, with amazing people <3 YOUTH FOR CHRIST.
this type of high totallyy beats out anything drugs, alcohol, or cutting can do. it's exactly what i needed in my life.
i don't think i have really lived until this weekend.
it's so difficult to find the right words to write on here, because the experience was just...wow.
it was so emotional to the point that i almost ran out of tears. and not because i was sad...the complete opposite, actually (:
"one way Jesus, You're the only one that I could live for"
You were the one that made me feel firsthand how to love.
Our relationship was one that lasted, no matter what happened.
We stayed friends, a million miles apart.
You were my first crush.
You were my first "puppy love" dare i say it.
You were my best friend then, and still remain to be one of the closest people to me today.
You lived there. i lived here. we were still us, as if nothing had changed.
We grew up, changed, but still kept in touch. Because you're just so amazing.
You let me see life in such a beautiful way. You made me better.
So talented.
So kind-hearted.
So loving.
So AMAZING.
Our promise...I will never ever forget. God knows I will still keep it.
Although you may not be here in person to experience it with me,
you'll be in my heart, and that is enough <3
Bestprend, I never anticipated this, and neither did you, I'm sure..
I'm sad i did not have the chance to spend more time with you
but neither bitterness or regret fill my body. Instead it is love. This is God's plan. You're in a much better place.
I will always miss you.
i love you.
see you again someday.
say hi to Lolo for me up there in Heaven.
R.I.P. JULIUS <333
sing for me again someday ;]
"dancin' in the moonlight. everybody's feeling warm and bright, it's such a fine and natural sight"
screw tumblr :]
i'm glad we saw a certain animal's true colors
and that you're moving on<3
remember, "No man is worth your tears, and the ONE who is, won't make you cry."
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who cares what other people think. i want to talk to you. i want you to know you can relate to me, because when i went through those things, no one was there..no one knew. and it was hard. impossibly hard in every way imaginable...i don't want you to experience the same pain, because no one deserves that.
there IS good inside everyone. it just takes a little look closer to see it in some cases.
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i don't even know where to start with this. i don't know what to do. every time i look at you, so vulnerable yet incredibly strong, it makes all the things in my life seem so insignificant. i'm yearning to say something.
to hug you tightly and never let go.
to tell you i'm sorry for everything, and that i love you.
i want to say thank you,
for being there when even my own mother was not. for raising me.
[you are the one person who is closest to me, who put up with me, and helped me the most.]
for being the most wonderful person.
but i can't.
please don't go.
i promise to listen from now on.
i promise to spend more time with you.
i promise to be extra respectful.
i promise to always finish my food.
i promise to wash the dishes the first time you tell me to.
i promise to sing for you whenever you want me to sing karaoke.
i promise to always pray.
i promise to do everything you've asked me to.
just please don't go. not yet.
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you're my first for a lot of things. you always make me smile, no matter how bad my day might have been. i feel happier just by you being by my side. and i feel so lucky to have you in my life <3
http://theresamountain.tumblr.com/
follow me so i can find people haha
<33 blogger has been with me through some tough times. ima miss this.
last post on this site :D unless i decide to come back to it.
ehhhh nevermind ill still keep this, but ill be more active on tumblr =]
"i'm genuinely happy for the first time in my life"
waay too many emotions and thoughts are lingering in my head than could possibly be considered healthy.
pressure
flattery
nostalgia
guilt
happiness
love
humiliation
anxiety
excitement
fear
anger
insecurity
trust
confusion
